On love and friendship
“I’ve thrown away the hope I had in friendship; I’ve thrown away so many things that could have been much more.” – When I go down by Relient K
Aesthetically gifted (gwapo)? Non-negotiable!
Good conversationalist? Non-negotiable
.Coffee addict? Negotiable.
Film buff? Negotiable.
Loves God? You’re kidding right?
With the last statement, it’s pretty much clear that it should be a non-negotiable criteria.
Lately, my conversations with girl friends involved an episode of romantic love. Since this has been a recurring theme for the past three weeks, I might as well share what I feel about it.
It started with a friend who confessed her affections for this guy, though her problem is that she, on her own judgment, thinks that she is giving away too much of herself to him (in terms of time and attention). And she doesn’t want that: in other words, she wants to be with the guy without giving him any hint of her feelings. There’s this another one who has confessed that she had already let go of someone, after long moment of waiting.
One morning I received an alarming text from a friend who saw her ex and can’t help thinking about him. Well, I said, you said it yourself: he is your ex. Move on sweetheart.
Just last week, I received a text from a younger friend who I was just hanging out with the other night. She was relaying her kamustas and imissyous (and I love her for that). I joked that she really wanted to tell me something – a code that means it’s about the matters of the heart - that’s why she texted. After that, I received 3 pages worth of text message from her, a burst of emotion that 160 characters worth of a reply cannot do justice.
And all of these because of a guy that, in the first place, they do not currently have a formal romantic relationship with. Can you imagine how much more if it involves a real boyfriend?
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:25
In the past year, God has imparted me with enough courage to deal with my own ‘heart hang-ups’. I cannot say that I have “been there, done that, bought the T-shirt” because I haven’t. But when once you have survived wrong relationships and romantic disappointments, you would at least have the wisdom to watch out for signs. Signs that this feeling of infatuation is what it is: just a feeling and it would soon go away. Signs that your friendship with a guy is really rooted with wrong intentions (major consequences awaits). Signs that you are being too friendly with the opposite sex. Signs that he or she is not the right person – yet. Signs that you are not really ready for a relationship.
Disappointments, breakups, and all sorts of emotional pains. Just some of the things we would never want to hear in our lives again. Past experiences that have proved all fairy tale wrong, but still we go on searching for that perfect love: the hope was perfectly planted in our hearts. You know why? Because God planted that hope and desire in our hearts. We, boys and girls alike, are designed for that kind of thing. To feel that desire, as I have told one of the girls I have mentioned earlier, is a gift. Acknowledge that gift of desire to love someone as His calling. This calling is not of the church or of any ministry, but a calling to your becoming a man, a woman. The journey lies in our quest to find that genuine, pure and unselfish love – only in this kind of love you can both meet God. Can you imagine that kind of relationship? No guilt, no jealousy, no pride. No stain of impurity from their hearts. Adam and Eve in Paradise.
When Love Speaks
What’s your love language? I first heard about it from a friend of mine who was actually relaying her crush’s love language. She said that he was a “time and affection” kind of guy. I was clueless about it when she asked for my love language. I told her that I would know if I am loved when the person would give up doing other things in his day – relatively more important things – just to be with me. “Pareho kayo! Quality time ka rin!” she retorts. Is there any other way to love apart from doing things together? I asked. Apparently, there are other ways.
Believe it or not, these love languages can be used against you. Your heart (I’m speaking to both guys and girls here) is the most valuable thing in your life because from it springs our very life. You can be deceived by it, no matter how harmless it might seem.
So what now, you might think, what now can I do? Should I be cautious of the motives of the opposite sex? Should I give him a dagger look when he glanced my way? Should I flush down my sim card when she texts with happy umlauts? Should I transfer school because she accidentally held my hand? No, dimwit, you ask the Bible, that’s what you do.
Here’s what the Bible has to say: “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23
Let’s make it simple. Get a piece of paper. If you are single, currently active in your network, and is subject to daily interaction with the opposite sex (to put it bluntly, may mga umaaligid-aligid sayo), list down your limitations and boundaries.
(for the boyets) I will limit my talk time with pretty girly to 30 minutes a day.
(for the girlies) I will not allow myself to be physically close to any boyet (no holding of hands, no hugging, etc.)
If you are single, currently active in your network, but no one is making aligid (yet), what you need to do is: first, focus on God. Are you sure your heart is ready for this kind of encounter? As I’ve always heard, before you seek out your prince charming, make sure you are already a princess. It goes the other way around for the guys. Keep yourself pure, ask God to cover your heart and hide it in His hands that whoever wants it would have to seek God first. I’m sounding preachy here, but that’s the truth, there’s no denying it. Allow God to transform you into the man or woman that He wants you to be. Second, make a list of the negotiables and non-negotiable qualities of the person you’re looking for. I got this from Jiggy. This will help you “filter” the people that would come into your life, and sort out the person that God wants for you. Be honest about your list: just list down the qualities of the person you would actually want to be with. I saw this young woman on TV who had had her share of heartaches and all. She sought God’s wisdom, and listed down 60 specific qualities of the guy she wants to be with. Eventually, she found her happy ending from a guy who exactly has all those sixty qualities. ‘Stig. Like Jiggy said, specific prayers get specific answers. Just remember it would only be God, not anyone else, who can save you from all possible heartaches.
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