Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Pursuit

What does pursuit means?
A following with a view to reach, accomplish, or obtain; endeavor to attain or gain; as, the pursuit of knowledge; the pursuit of happiness or pleasure.

Hm, let's see. There's a story of this girl who cries a lot for really, really sad reasons. And those really, really sad reasons she wants to forget, so she left her place, finding peace in some other land, but to no success. No matter where she goes, these really, really sad reasons haunt her, taking years off her life. No joy, no smile at all. Hope seems lost in her. But a tinge of sunshine seemed to grow out of her. Because of the gift of Grace, something in her was awakened. Her entire self changed, grew, desired for all things good and Godly. Sinner, yes, but consecrated by His love. She's a whole new creation. She was captivated by the new presence in her life. It's all bright, she thought. Bright, colorful, peaceful. Beauty was redefined, Paradise was regained. She's like that sea lion who found the ocean again after a long time spent in the desert.

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away;
behold, all things have become new.

Now she can really be true to who she is. No more pretensions, fantasies, dark sides and whathaveyous.
It's pure love, baby. If ever she'd cry again, it would be happy tears for sure.

Maundy Thursday

Believe me, I tried to write some drafts. Epic fail. There's still Friday and Saturday, though.

I hope that my relationship with Adobe Lightroom would be for a really, really long time.

April 1, 2010. Somewhere around 9 in the morning.
Boo and NIV, my constant breakfast buddies. I have sunshine today! Amazing.

As I ponder on things, my train of thought goes something like this:
- thank God for helping me in my 'moments of weakness'
- I am obliged to share whatever I have as they were just gifts imparted by God.
I own nothing in this world, yet I owe God my everything.
- We were given a heart to experience. Nothing is arrived at purely by thinking.
- Suddenly, I got reacquainted with my old dreams - the ones that require me to ride a plane.
- The birds. The bees. The turkey that tried to hit on me. That freakin' bicycle that I can't mount on.
- thank God for helping me LET GO.

John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

This is the promise that I have for this morning. Very, very interesting.
Today seems like a good day for a bear hug. Too bad no one's around.

Welcome To My Id

The hilltop view that almost made me cry.

Sunrise by the peak.

Glorious sunset.

This is the story of a dream I had before. And these were the exact images of what I saw then - a bit creepy, I know. It's just amazing to know that there is exactly an existing place like what I had in my mind; I never knew it until I saw images of Mt. Pulag. Will definitely climb this freaking mountain before the year ends. How do you actually prepare yourself before a climb? That might be a problem because I hate long walks. Oh well. My desire to see this place is greater than the foreseen consequences. One thing's for sure though: Boo is coming with me. =)

Do You Love Me Enough To Let Go

I'm a wandering soul
I'm still walking the line that leads me home
All I know
I still got mountain to climb
On my own
On my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through
To let me fall for you
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter
Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry
You're so beautiful, tonight

Back from the dead we went through
Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied
You look beautiful tonight

But every seed dies before it grows

Breathe it in
And let it go
Every breath you take is not your to own
It's not your to hold
Do you love me enough to let me go?

I'm The Pink One

There we are, stuck at the refrigerator door, overexposed and happy.

I'm happy that in whatever you feel, I am assured that you always proceed with 'prayer-soaked steps'. I know how that feels, believe me. When the feminine heart is at stake, we can't help but be on our knees. I love you dear for your boldness and I love you for your vulnerability. Let's be vulnerable together. Let's both witness God's hand unfold in all of these. There's so much stories to tell but, hey, we both have a lifetime to spend right?

Don't stop being everyone's cactus. I'm hugging you now, Ming.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Say he-llo to Juan Cocco alias Gen. Danny Lim, aptly nicknamed Boo.
Yea, this is my photodiary. See the world through my eyes. Or my lens, whatever.
One thing's for sure, everything will now be beautiful
for everything around me speaks of the glory of God.

Name: Boo
Birthday: March 22, 2010

Model: Nikon D3000

This is not a great shot of us but I just want to share the eyes of my baby for the first time.

Gloomy, But Definitely Not Sad.

830am. Balcony.
I'll try to keep my Holy Wednesday holy.

I woke up yearning for the usual blinding sunshine, but all I had is this. And upon waking up, I pleaded for a more obedient and faithful heart, as it seems that i'm taking things in my own hands again.

From Lazaroo:

“Then they repented and said, ‘The LORD Almighty has done to us what our ways and practices deserve, just as he determined to do.’”
(Zechariah 1:6)

Is that the kind of repentance You’re looking for from me, Jesus?

Not just, “I’m sorry” –

sorry I got caught
sorry I did what I did
sorry You punished me

sorry I missed out on all the good things You would have given me

if only I had been faithful and consistent in my obedience to You –

but in agreement with what my disobedience forced You to do to me

forced You to withhold from me.

That’s tough.

It’s one thing to endure Your punishment

it’s quite another to be able to utter these words from the very depths of my soul:

“You were right to punish me that way.

“I had it coming.

“I needed it.

“Thank You.”

If only I had been faithful and consistent in my obedience to You.
This is what keeps me believing, this is what makes me hold on: the wonderful promise of love and joy in following You and You alone. Indeed, Father, You have satisfied me with Your steadfast love, that I will always be glad and that I will always rejoice in all my days. It's amazing to know that I could sing of your love FOREVER.

I immediately grabbed Boo and got reacquainted with the buttons. God has a way in meeting me in the most unexpected moments and places. His love makes me smile.

Smells like tuyo for breakfast. Yum.

Very Well Said, J.

Yes, I cheated. I tweet, blog, stalk people and check my FB account in between creating my slides. Why? Because I can, that's why.

Hay, I want to go to the beach. Feel the sand, the sun, the breeze, the salty smell of it, the tingly and bittersweet feeling I get when I look upon the sunset, create a bonfire, and whatever it is people do once freedom from the city is achieved. Small things like that. It might take a while before I can have a trip to the beach (May 6, perhaps? *wink*), but as we all know, waiting is a part of life. It's what makes the experience beautiful, I realized.

You Are The Only Exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist
But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream
And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Future Looks Promising

Taken first thing in the morning of March 23, 2010. A view from my bedroom window. Various politicians doing their rounds of campaigns and jingles in the neighborhood woke me up.

For You, It Will Always Be A Yes

Soon, the romance of midnight flights, a window seat that brings me closer to the washed-out clouds and moonlight, and the fact that i am alive with a pulse beating to the tune of hope, will sweep me off my feet. i am awake with the hope that someday you will open your eyes. open your eyes to the promise of me.

May you fully come to realize that everything here on earth is fleeting. That living your life requires no analysis; just abrupt decisions on how to live it. The Why part would be a different story. Things are better left unplanned, I assure you. Or better yet, watch Twilight Zone. I apologize for the inexperienced advise but I always find the most inspiring things in life from unexpected cases. Like the notion of unrequited love from a supposedly eery tv series. It's just unbelievably sad to accept that love will have it's twist and turns, and most of the time, it doesn't always result in good things. Fate will have a hand on everything. Come on, do i really need to be in a time capsule for a few decades to await for your return, and thus for your answer? The initial response will be no for sure. But a tinge of excitement prevails. No truth was ever arrived at purely by thinking, as i heard some moron blurt out. I will eternally be in love with the concept of love, but I will never know if I can love eternally. Or love you at all.

Let's think like people in movies. When a kiss is offered, a kiss is deserved.

another morning. another glorious morning. i believe its a sunday. a reminder that there will always be a me and a you, here, and i m not sure where to next. the notion that we can always be on the same breathing space is somehow exhausting, cause it means you will expect something from me. but i cannot give you me. i can give you what s left of me. in the addition to this miserable oblivion that s circling us, yeah, there will always be the two of us. i will love. i will love with the courage of a soldier off to war, with the sequence of me leaving, getting there, looking at your picture before that destined stray bullet hits me. i am fearless; my ego is nothing. this love is bigger than me. the Lord has touched my heart, blessed me with an angel. i can tell to the whole world i love you.

and i will love you. secretly.

"Man's love is of man's life a thing apart. 'Tis a woman's whole existence." - Byron -

(Grabe, ang baduy ko na pala talaga eversince. I wrote this Aug 10, '08. As to why and for whom I wrote this I can't even remember. So funny.)


We are all flawed but we are all loved.

Thank you Ming for sharing this.
This is exactly what all of us need. =)

Found My Heart Song

Your voice, on replay.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Paano Ko Sasabihin?

I'm still amused by stories like this. Why? Because we are all needy, greedy, even desperate of those three wonderful words. What if there's just silence? How would you let her know? I guess this is where faith in love comes in.

Paano ko sasabihin?
Dinig sana kita.


To trust with a good heart of what is yet to come is indeed what has already come.
With enough faith, what is hoped for is already done and fulfilled. There is only the waiting part for the exact moment for it to get fulfilled. But, for the faithful, there's nothing too long or too short of a wait. I'm sure that you're old enough, trustful and faithful enough to understand what's in store for you.
- Tito Phil E.

These words coming from a complete stranger (well, slightly stranger to my life) who doesn't have an inkling on what is happening with me. Cool, isn't it?

Love Is Waiting

In the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you
don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

I Believe In The Greater Story.

March 27, 2010. The time where we turn things to the brighter side.
Everything else would be better than before. Just believe.

March 28, 2010
Tonight, you have made me cry for good reasons.

And I know that the best way to pursue me is by prayers, nothing else would suffice.

In the silence, my faith is magnified.
Yes, I believe in the greater Story.


Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Friday, March 26, 2010


Dear God,

Just for clarification, I am in no way praying for him. As in praying for me to be with him. I mean I do not see myself married in the next few years so being committed to anyone is not in my goal list right now. I don't know him, but I want to – just like the way it goes in the song. That's what I pray about right now, to know more about him, his life and how much You mean to him. To see if he is really worth praying for. To see if he really is worth my time and thoughts. You see, God, this is not healthy anymore, this whole 'crush'...thing. Father I know that everything will be alright, that you are already taking care of everything for me. He was in my dreams earlier and after that, I don't know. What I do know is that this is not the way it's supposed to be. Lord, I ask you to enable me to be normal at least. This is nothing of my control, and even if I had control over myself and this situation, it would still be me. Thoughts of him makes me weak, and only through you I can go on with my day. I don't want him to be the reason for my fall. Yes, God, I'm begging you to be my escape. And please take care of him. If he really is the one, Father, I ask that you would make him the perfect person to journey with me closer to you. If only my discipler and my cellgroup could read this, she would kill me. Or at least laugh to death just to put me to shame. Thank you Father that I am able to journey with my sisters in faith through this. Even if there won't be anything good that would come out of this, even if in the end it will be my heart that will be the casualty, you will be glorified that's for sure.

Here are 10 things that I hate about him:

  1. I hate the way he plays his drums.

  2. I hate the fact that he doesn't shave, doesn't get a haircut, doesn't look anything near Joseph Gordon-Levitt and still remain good-looking.

  3. I hate it that he's the reason for my sleeping late at night. And the fact that I am writing this now is because I need to let this out just so I can sleep. I hate that as I lie sleeplessly on the bed, I can hear my own heartbeat. I hate that I have to listen to the whole Relient K/Switchfoot album while writing this entry ABOUT HIM.

  4. I hate it that he's close to his family.

  5. I hate that he likes music and movies and arts.

  6. I hate it when I dream about him.

  7. I hate that I don't know anything about him and that I wanted to.

  8. I hate the fact that I notice him more than other people do.

  9. I hate that I pray for him.

(Written somewhere in 2009. I miss Marcelo.)

Sunday, March 21, 2010


Love woke me up this morning
With a memory
Love came and whispered a story
That awakened a dream

I belive in
I believe its set sail
Hey, when you need me
You need me with the hope that my dream with you might come true
True, true, true

So if you want me
Why do you look the other way
If you need me
Why do you say the things you say
If you love me
Why would you play the games you play
Am I in love with the dreamer
Or am I just in love with the dream

Friday, March 19, 2010

Cap Ou Pas Cap

I'm shy like that.

He's cool like that.

One Fine Sunday

I love you, girls.

March 15

Spent the whole day with Tito Phil, Tita Gina and Bot (with her lovely daughter, Jillian Rose). After several years (a few decades, I think), they were able to meet up again. Twas a really fun afternoon, spent at Las PiƱas, Tita G's house, though I was zapped because I slept late that night. Of course, Tito Phil was always busy with his gears, teaching me stuff and taking our awesome photos *wink*.

Looking forward this May to see them again. <3

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Prayer is, therefore, not only the measure of our hearts, revealing what we desire; it is also the indispensable remedy for our hearts when we do not desire God the way we ought.

John Piper, "When I Don't Desire God"

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Is Now Following...

With the midterms I have to face this week, I still can't find time to write a decent entry. I have scratch papers filled with notes and bullet points of things to do, things to write about, to research on, people to greet, realizations, gift ideas, and all things random. And lately I'm finding myself wide awake at the wee hours of the morning, my mind so elusive, my brain swelling, my hands hyper. Which is NOT GOOD.

Ok, so here's what I have to share for now, since i only have more or less 5 minutes to leave the screen and continue reading stuff. Four unread books, a job interview, 4 exams in the next few days, tons of unpublished blog entries, albums after albums of artists to listen to, and a graduation to pray for. Yep, life is amazing. God is good.

Hebrews 11:1

Enjoy Juan Cocco!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Better Than Your Store-Bought Bouquet

I realized one morning that I would love it more if you would give me a pot of ungrown flowers than a bouquet of store-bought roses. Why? Because I became a part of that flower, that you planted its seeds, and I made it bloom. I had patiently waited and now your beauty is mine. You were grown out of love. Isn't that amazing?


Thursday, March 04, 2010


  • Wednesdays are truly special. Specifically, this past Wednesday. Small group in school is growing, though slowly, in numbers, and my heart just goes out to these people. Like I said to them, we are trying to build a group with a culture of grace and forgiveness. I'm happy for the conviction God has in them, that they are clearly moved by His Word, even to the verge of tears. And to pray for these people is a humbling experience, a purifying one. The grace of God, as it was revealed to me, is a gift not only to the undeserving but also to those who deserves the opposite (as Philip Yancey said it). I can never be perfect, neither is anyone in that group, but we rely on the truth that God has won this battle for us. No worries: work on faith.
  • I'm so excited about Sisterhood. It's still not formally announced, nor are there any formal plans yet but it's in the process. Something's brewing up, that's for sure. I pray for all our girls in the church, that their feminine hearts would find a home in this fellowship. That they would really find validation not from other people, or from the group they belong to, nor from the opposite sex, but they would find peace in knowing that God chose them to be His daughters. And I pray that confidence will be on our midst as we meet God through this group.
  • To whoever gets to read this, please pray for my heart because I'm a bit confused. Please pray for a more discerning heart, that I focus on seeking God's will in my life, and not pursue my own desires through my own efforts.
  • Praying for my own camera, and since we're talking about material needs here, let's include in my own macbook. The world is calling me to shoot, make beautiful things and to make things beautiful.
  • I pray for those that I love who will be gone, who God destined to go to other places this year. I have faith in technology and God's perfect timing. There is happiness in hope! Huh. Amaziiiing.


“I hope and pray that I become just the perfect wife for you, and trust that all our hopes will be met because God is the center of this marriage, and that I've made the right decision in following His will that which is to marry you. I love you, sweetheart.You always do everything just so i can shine. I shine first because of God, and now because of you…”– Rica

“I've recognized that next to God, you are my top priority. You are my best friend, my partner, and after this my wife. I promise to constantly pursue you, make you feel loved and wanted… because you’re worth it.” – Joe

The beautiful, captivating bride.

The ceremony.

Lastly, the union of hearts.

"And by God's grace this is going to be one amazing life."

(Photos courtesy of Video from Youtube.)

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


Monday afternoon.

After school, Jiggy and I headed to one of my favorite places, Cafe Noriter along Taft. We met up with Queen, ordered a glass of caramel frappe and all I got was froth. Aaaand we made a short video, a small tribute to those who weren't able to come with us (and wished were with us) that day, namely:

Trisha Garrido
Johanna Lise Silva
Samantha Danguilan
Aleli Danguilan
Carol Bernice Miranda
Pat dela Torre
Jan Wilfred dela Cruz.

Hello, girls and boy. I miss you! I'll date you sometime this week. We all have some catching up to do.

The day always ends up happily after Noriter. Then after that, we got access to a rooftop, just so we can see the full moon. Will definitely buy a Priscilla Ahn cd in the future. Happy happy joy joy.

Monday, March 01, 2010


I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest swing.
I had a dream.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park,
I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie.
I said a prayer and fell asleep.

I had a dream
That I could fly from the highest tree.
I had a dream.

Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say
about this life I'm willing to leave.
I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell.
I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.

I had a dream