Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Gloomy, But Definitely Not Sad.

830am. Balcony.
I'll try to keep my Holy Wednesday holy.

I woke up yearning for the usual blinding sunshine, but all I had is this. And upon waking up, I pleaded for a more obedient and faithful heart, as it seems that i'm taking things in my own hands again.

From Lazaroo:

“Then they repented and said, ‘The LORD Almighty has done to us what our ways and practices deserve, just as he determined to do.’”
(Zechariah 1:6)

Is that the kind of repentance You’re looking for from me, Jesus?

Not just, “I’m sorry” –

sorry I got caught
sorry I did what I did
sorry You punished me

sorry I missed out on all the good things You would have given me

if only I had been faithful and consistent in my obedience to You –

but in agreement with what my disobedience forced You to do to me

forced You to withhold from me.

That’s tough.

It’s one thing to endure Your punishment

it’s quite another to be able to utter these words from the very depths of my soul:

“You were right to punish me that way.

“I had it coming.

“I needed it.

“Thank You.”

If only I had been faithful and consistent in my obedience to You.
This is what keeps me believing, this is what makes me hold on: the wonderful promise of love and joy in following You and You alone. Indeed, Father, You have satisfied me with Your steadfast love, that I will always be glad and that I will always rejoice in all my days. It's amazing to know that I could sing of your love FOREVER.

I immediately grabbed Boo and got reacquainted with the buttons. God has a way in meeting me in the most unexpected moments and places. His love makes me smile.

Smells like tuyo for breakfast. Yum.

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