This is what God has been telling me today:
Me, hanging on a cliff by a mere thread, holding on for my dear life.
It doesn't really describe my state of mind right now, but God has been asking me what will it take for me to be that desperate for him, that I would seek him in every minute, every second of my life?
I conclude that I do not desire him as much as I should. I still go on seeking temporary pleasures, still chasing boys, still controlling the things around when I know shouldn't. I'm thinking out loud here, bear with me for a while. Yeah, I know, there must be more than this. Greater things, as they say, are yet to come.
Psalm 90:14 says,
"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."
All I'm saying is, I need to understand the degree of passion God has for his glory. And it tears me apart to think that I'm not capable of absorbing nor defining his greatness in my mind. There's so much to learn, to think about, to know about but the world is my enemy and I come undone before Jesus. He has been telling me, for the past few days, of how sacrifices will be a part of this journey - Christ-exalting sacrifices, that is. To pray for joy in his name is not exactly asking for comfort but finding peace in spite of grief and sorrow. In other words, this is something that I should be really, really, really serious about. Focus and time should be compromised. I'm not scared about what people will say or what I have got to lose in the process, I'm scared of what I will become in the end. I know I will not be me anymore once I took that step.
A few more days before the year ends. Would I still be hanging on to that cliff or would I let go?