Outloved By God

Dear God,

I am defeated and unloving. Sorry, not because I am this way, but because I thought I never was.

I cry out to you becase I do not want to be the person I am today. I want to depart from this earth to be with you, in your kingdom where all is perfect, all is good. I do not want to travail the sinful path of this world for I know that I am weak This whole up-and-down experience with you is something that I cannot take anymore. I pray for consistency. If only I could isolate myself from all the things in this world, I would, Ijust to know that there won't be a chance for me to betray you.

It is only by your grace, by your body on the cross, by the blood that washed away my sin, that i am still standing.

I want to love you like they do. I want to love you like you love me and I can't. The sad part about today is that I found out that after everything I have done, I still do not desire you as much as I want to. That I don't ask for you more than I should. That I don't really care about what you want, when I should. And it pierces me hard. It grieves me that after all that I thought I am, I remain imperfect unworthy of your love. That I am still wrestling with you on the throne of my life. What's worse is that I am not aware that this is happening to me, that I am under the illusion that everything is ok. Sorry that I still seek love from other things that I still search for comfort from other people, that I still rely my wisdom on those who I think are more mature on their walk with you. Sorry that I do not fight for my desire for you and that I easily give in to the lies of this world. I am still undeserving, still unworthy.

Take away this pride, father, in me. Remind me minute by minute of who I am, of your promises and my purpose. Forgive me if I chose this world over a time with you. I desperately come to you to fill me once again with the Holy Spirit. Take this from my hands. Give me strength to continue this race. Make me understand the things I cannot. Create a new love in me. Teach me to be faithful in your name. Teach me how to outlove your people. Jesus, I die with you again. I know that when I wake from the dead, you will make me a changed person, empowered and controlled by your love and your love alone. Amen.


All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You (x2)

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You